How about your new year resolutions? Are still in the game or do you already start finding excuses?
„Well I can still workout tonight.“
„One pizza doesn’t harm. Specially because I ate so healthy last week.“
„Just one more episode on Netflix and then I’ll start reading.“
„I deserve one piece of chocolate – I didn’t eat any for a whole week.“
If you feel like caught in the act now and as if I just saw you eating that piece of chocolate in loneliness behind your computer,let me tell you: you are not alone.
I can imagine 80% of all people with resolutions just feel the same like you. And to start this post with a big disappointment for you: I am no better. This morning after 9 mornings in a row, I chose my pillow over the elliptical.
This is not because I was more tired than last week or because the weather outside was worse than yesterday. It wasn’t because I had an headache (I had one this weekend and hit the elliptical anyway), it wasn’t because I had another time-window to have some sport later during the day, it was just and only because I was sabotaging myself.
Did you ever have this? Raise your arm.
I see I am not the only one here.
„Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.“ ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
Why are we doing this? Well there are many studies and great books out there about why we are doing this and all comes down to a few key points:
- We feel unworthy of being happy/ thin/ healthy/ successful
- To proof other’s that we are not worthy „See, I told you good things never happen to me“
- Because we just cannot bear so much positivity in our life. (it sounds crazy but apparently people are addicted to the feeling of failure and unhappiness)
- We want to be in control: „Well this can never work, so better end the positivity myself, then I am in control of my failure.“
Doesn’t this sound too weird to be true?
Now you might think this sounds familiar to you but you are not sure if you are self sabotaging yourself or not. Here are a few warning signs:
- not finishing stuff because „it is not perfect“
- perfectionism in general
- having unrealistic expectations
- procrastinating (like me and my elliptical)
- finding excuses to eat stuff/ avoid the gym or a run/ not cleaning or tidying the house (when you need an excuse to eat chocolate you are definitely self sabotaging yourself)
- inability to say no to other’s
- accepting other’s advise without thinking about it
So here are my three tips for you (and myself) how to stop self sabotaging yourself and make this year your best year ever
- Realize your sabotaging. This is seriously the biggest step: to realize that your reaction is not a productive and positive reaction but something deeper that holds you back from accomplishing your goal.
- Analyze yourself carefully. Why are you reacting like this? What triggered my reaction?
- Let go and keep focussed. Once you realized and analyzed your reaction you can focus on your goal again and let go of your sabotaging. This might work better in some situations and worse in others. It is something that we all need to train as self sabotaging is an enemy within us that will do anything to let us fail on our path. But you are stronger and you can do it – if you want.
Only if you truly want something (loosing weight, making that income, getting that client etc.) you will be able to work against your own self sabotaging because otherwise the sabotage will be just bigger than your will to succeed.